One day while walking down the street a highly successfulHuman Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soularrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peterhimself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, itseems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had aHuman Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what todo with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is letyou have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choosewhichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", saidthe woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator andit went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto theputting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a countryclub and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executivesthat she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns andcheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and theytalked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at nightwent to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak andlobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kindof cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was havingsuch a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybodyshook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and foundSt. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up andSt. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now youmust choose your eternity,
"The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'dsay this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had abetter time in Hell.
"So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in adesolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends weredressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and puttingit in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced andhad a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all myfriends look miserable.
"The Devil looked at her smiled and told
............
............
............
............
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
One Fat Guy
One fat guy - goes to a popular Gym sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.
So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who led him to the showers, and then weighs him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign. "If I catch you, you're mine."
So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who led him to the showers, and then weighs him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign. "If I catch you, you're mine."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)